MANDIRIGMA on a OVERCOME to the MAX's Journal

40 days...and sometimes I NEED a 40!!! Anger Management - GOD help the beast in me...

May 21, 2012 10:47pm

The beast in me,
Is caged by frail and fragile bars.
Restless by day And by night,
Rants and rages at the stars.
God help the beast in me

The beast in me,
Has had to learn to live with pain.
And how to shelter from the rain,
And in the twinkling of an eye
Might have to be restrained.
God help the beast in me.

Sometimes it tries to kid me
That it's just a teddy bear
And somehow can manage,
just to vanish in the air,
And that is when I must beware
Of the beast in me.

Everybody knows,
He's been seen out in my clothes,
Patently unclear,
If it's New York or New Year,
God help the beast in me
~Johnny Cash - The Beast in Me

Hey brothers and sisters! I wrote this first portion a few weeks back and never finished the thought at the moment...kind of the way my anger goes, see everyone, I'm not always the positive ray of sunshine I percieve...:-)

Had a long night with little sleep, lil man was a bit fussy. Out of character for him...for the most part through this QUEST he has been perfect which makes him just as much part of my success team as anybody! He's my main motivation, becoming a daddy has changed me inside and out, softened and smoothed out some roughness I had developed over the darker times of my life, gave me more reason to be happy. But I haven't always been the ray of sunshine you all have known writing silly journals. I won't delve into the events and lifestyle I had in my past that riddled the darkest period of my life but even before the dark clouds rolled in I was an angry young man. Don't know why growin up I kinda had a bit of a chip on my shoulder. The Johnny Cash song was written by a guy named Nick Lowe, Cash's former son in law. It kind of describes me between 1998-2004, I consider those dark years dead years, I had no joy or happiness really, suprisingly maintained my job through the time, just floating through life, paying off bar tabs every pay day Wednesday to start a new tab for the week...

Anyhow yeah, I've always been a bit of a hot head, I mean just today had a couple issues with things. Last week had another...I'm realizing now most my angry times coincide with times I feel out of control of a situation...back in the day, the dark dead Duane days what I had no control over was my emotions...where now it's more a situation that I had handled or thought I did and someone ore something throws a monkey wrench into the whole works or wants to change something I already had done and moved on to the next thing. Vicious circle...leads back to my emotions. I'm feeling better now, have to laugh...I'm leaving work and gonna see my family soon...nothing better in the world than being home with Team Franzen!!! Then later when they are getting ready to sleep the beast will be back and ready to pounce on some weights! :-)

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